Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Immigration 2-cents

I heard the most amazing thing on the radio this morning.

"Guest worker programs are a bad idea and harm all workers," AFL-CIO President John Sweeney said in a statement released the day after the Senate Judiciary Committee cleared an immigration bill. "They cast workers into a perennial second-class status, and unfairly put their fates into their employers' hands."

Wha?!? How could this be?!? I actually agree with the head of a major labor union? Must be a full moon... But, back to reality with a dose of Teddy:

But Massachusetts Senator Edward "My bladder's full" Kennedy, arguably labor's strongest voice in Congress, notes that the proposal "has the support of agribusiness and farm workers."

Well, duh!!! It probably has the support of a whole bunch of rich, self-centered, holier-than-thou skinflints who can't stand the thought of paying two-bits more for their favorite bottle of California wine, or paying a so-called "living wage" to the teenager who mows the lawn and cleans the pool.

Mr. Sweeney makes the point that "guest workers" will face life in a permanent second class status. That's been my fear as well - are we actually creating a new semi-indentured institution? Intentionally or not, this legislation will
  1. create a lucrative environment where the desperate will fall prey to pimping coyotes who promise to pay the fine or fees necessary to be granted second-class citizenship, if only the applicants work their asses off for 'X' number of years as slave labor.
  2. drain more revenue from our Ponzi-scheme Social Security system by granting dependent foreign nationals the entitlement to a guest-worker's benefits.
  3. give unprecedented power to a ready made "victim group" which will be exploited to its fullest extent by anti-American con artists and commies.
I would agree with Mr. Sweeney completely if I wasn't 100% sure that the situation would not remain permanent. Undoubtedly, the ACLU is already drawing up briefs to challenge any guest worker legislation as unconstitutional. How could they possibly let this one slide? Once we've opened the door to this virtual citizenship, the commies-in-courtrooms will demand that full citizenship be granted and, much to my everlasting shame, I would have to agree with them...


Every Little Bit Helps

Maj. "Taco" Bell, USMC, joined the merry band of FReepers and friends on March 17th to show his support for the wounded warriors and his disdain for the commie Pinkos. I'd been tipped-off by Taco Mamma to expect his appearance but was nonetheless surprised that someone who'd been home for less than two weeks would want to come to an event so close to a bunch of anti-war 'tards. tgslTakoma wrote of the night's events for in the post for FReep #48.

"Taco" is a man who knows what he's doing and why, has the confidence to face adversaries head-on, the spirit of conviction to defend his ideas and his country, and a wonderfully entertaining ability to impart his thoughts to others. As an contact, his imaginitive and frequent updates gained him a solid following and a horde of "Support Junkies" who flooded him with tangible reminders of how much our troops are loved.

Fortunately for all his fans, the great stories and personal observations are still pouring out on his blog SandGram. The same is true for Taco's friend and fellow Marine blogger Capt B of One Marine's View. Capt B was the first Marine to become an AnySoldier contact during his first deployment to Afghanistan, and renewed his affiliation when deployed to Iraq.

A lot of us are also looking forward to the publication of a book authored by Taco, Capt B, and Sgt. Brian Horn. These three might never have met, and we might never have known them either if it weren't for Brian's dad, Marty Horn, and his brainchild

Proud and happy Taco Mamma with her boy.

In just two years of operation, Any SoldierTM has become world known, and we currently support about 2/3rds of the active military in the war on terrorism. The other half needs your help -- and so do we.

Any Soldier Inc. is in desperate need of donations to fund our operations and growth. Your donations will allow us to focus on certain high-priority initiatives we are undertaking...

Make a difference today! Donate to AnySoldier.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Pics You Don't Want To Miss

Exclusive to FreeRepublic - see this great post about the latest operations in Iraq conducted by British, U.S., and Iraqi military working together!

Pictures, pictures, and more pictures that you'll never see on CNN!

On a related note, some bad guys are going to be wishing it was all just a bad dream as the Nightmares have arrived.
"The Marines are excited about being here," said [Gunnery Sgt. Christopher] Evans, a native of Pasadena, Texas. "Our job remains virtually unchanged from back home. The only difference is we are not flying any training ordnance. All the jets go out with live bombs to directly support the ground combat effort. My Marines are chomping at the bit and are ready to make history."
I can't think of a cooler name for these guys! OORAH!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Milbloggers Predict Mahem at Conference!

CJ (A Soldier's Perspective) and JP ( have revealed plans from a secret agenda of their own for the First Annual Milblog Conference.

Scheduled to be held in D.C. at the AED Conference Center on April 22, the all-day star-studded event is aimed at elevating the exposure of blogs written by and for the members of the military. However, the discussions might not center around mature subjects like writing milblogs and bashing CNN, but devolve into puerile humor!

The dastardly duo made their plans public with CJ announcing:
We will discuss the military uses of bodily functions on the battlefield and how to best adapt them to an ever changing environment.
As if that weren't bad enough, JP shot back with this stunning revelation:
YES! As good as Bodily Functions might’ve been, Care Packages are even better. C’mon.. who doesn’t want to hear: "the meanest thing you can do to a Soldier is send generic brand goods, not name brand. it’s worse than taking a dump in a cardboard box and shipping it over…"
And when asked what he plans to wear to this most august gathering of authors, CJ gave this shocking response:
I was thinking edible thongs and desert boots.
Oh, the humanity!

Please! Register now and help preserve the integrity of milbloggers everywhere!

/humor (OK!)

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

MD CCW - Time is of the Essence!

Get on the phone and start pecking at your keyboards! The Judiciary Committee of the Maryland House of Delegates is set to vote on several bills next week including one that could start easing our path to obtaining Concealed Carry permits, but we need to let our representatives know that we want them to pass the bills out of committee and onto the floor.

HB 1163 simply states:
Repealing the requirement that the Secretary of State Police find that a person has a good and substantial reason to wear, carry, or transport a handgun before issuing a handgun permit to the person.
Maryland has too long presumed that the phrase "and bear Arms" only pertained to those citizens who could prove their need for protection by virtue of having been the victim of a violent crime already.

Pro-Gun Progressive has a report from Henry of Maryland Shall Issue (who, oddly, doesn't have it posted on his site) detailing the events from the recent hearing and the bills of interest.
Now is the time to get the emails, letters, and phone calls out to the folks on the committee. I don‚’t have any doubt that our lobbying efforts will drown out the four folks from Ceasefire and CSGV, but we do need to pour it on.
He's got the rundown on the bills and contact info. I've written to everyone on the list and will make follow-up calls. Please help by contacting your representatives today!

The MD Senate is set to hear its version SB 911 on March 21st.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Pinko Permit Problems Persist at Walter Reed

What a difference a week makes! Temps in D.C. broke a record high set back in 1964 (can you say 'Global Warming'?). The springtime warmth brought out lots of patriots to welcome and cheer our beloved Troops. We had crowds on ALL FOUR CORNERS out in front of Walter Reed for the eighth week. Of course the nice weather brought some extra commie 'tards out from beneath the rocks as well. They were in for quite a surprise...

First, CJ of A Soldier's Perspective arrived ready to take on the half-wits. What a surprise! I'm sure I acted like an ijit teenaged groupie meeting a rock star. (he's reeeaaaaly cute!) I ran around telling everyone we had a very special guest and pointing him out. Like the great guy he is, CJ took it all in stride and made a lot of friends and impressed a lot of people tonight. You can read his impressions here.

Avenging knight CJ rode his bike down to the hospital and wielded his rapier wit to slay Code Pink's dragons. He engaged the enemy on at least three occasions (by my count) and left them dazed and confused. Inspired by his leadership, other FReepers took to the field and together they inflicted "harm and pain" on the anti-American asshats. More on the conflict and victory later.


We were also visited by Joshua Sparling and his father, Mike Sparling. Good grief! This is one tough young man! Josh went on long trip with around 50 other wounded warriors today to the Pentagon. They toured the building and, according to Mike, were treated like royalty by all the staffers. Despite the day's tiring activities and the pain of his injuries, Josh wanted to come out and greet the folks at the gate. He posed for endless photos as he worked his way around all the corners, and was thanked over and over again for his service, sacrifice and incredible strength.

He's still got a long way to go in his recovery. Landry Fan has all the history and latest news of Josh over at Landry's Life. LF herself has been laid up the past couple of weeks and is missed dearly by the rest of us. Get well soon, please!

Amid the honks, cheers, waves and "Thank You"s, CJ spotted the arriving Pinkos and headed waaaaay down the block to make the first of several contacts with them. From his post:

The overall theme of the conversation was that fact that war isn’t necessary. Fighting isn’t necessary. They think that every problem can be solved with peace. It’s a great idea and I wish it could actually work. But, then I asked the tough question: What about the jihad? I did not see ONE sign that said “No To Jihad”, “Stop The Jihad”, “Bring the Suicide Bombers Home”. Guess what the answer was to that question….”I’ll bring it up to the committee.” I can’t make that up. The idea of calling for the jihadists, the terrorists, to stop fighting us needs to be voted on!! This is the agenda of Code Pink apparently.

Yes, Pink Hat lady, or "Large Marge" as we call her, knows all the talking points and can spew them without missing a beat but can't come up with a response to this reasonable question posed by one of the Troops she supposedly supports. Don't surprise me none!

Next up were IraqiKurd, BlackRepublican and Spiff who decided to pose their own questions to the group of commies from across Georgia Ave. FReepers stay out of the Pinkos' territory (for the most part) to deny the commies any opportunity to lie about "physical threats". From Spiff's comment on FR:

I joined the two FReepers and we stood directly across the street from the Pinkos. We all gave them a bit of hell about their lies, their donations to terrorists in Fallujah, and such. One large woman came across the street to insist that they had a permit for both sides of the street, even though they weren't using the side we were on, and that we would have to move off. I moved about 25 feet to some imaginary line by a tree while the other two guys held their ground. Princess, the girly-man pinko who wears a skirt or something came over too. Iraqikurd and BlackRepublican engaged them in debate and the large woman kept trying to shoo them away. I blasted the Pinkos with a few choice comments and chants for a while and then got out my toys.

The "toys" consisted of a portable DVD player and a small bullhorn. Spiff played videos of Saddam's attrocities and asked the protesters why they wanted such brutality to continue. He also
played patriotic videos from Move America Forward and the "Thank You America" ad made by the Iraqi Kurds.

BlackRepublican was approached by one Pinko who demanded that he leave the area because even the far side of the street was Code Pink's. BR asked to see the permit. The Pinko couldn't produce the permit but volunteered that "the cops will make you move."

Ah yes, "Help! Police! Make the bad people leave us alone!" Head Pinko Gael Murphy even walked waaaaay up the block to scream at Kristinn for the intrusion. The hard-core commies were losing
their composure and no doubt feared their new recruits were beginning to have doubts about this kind of protest. They love to spread propaganda about the military missing recruiting goals, but their own retention rate is abysmal! So when the newbies are exposed to a real Iraqi and real American heroes who tell them that protesting in front of a hospital is not the kind of support they want, Pink Hat and the other "committee members" get real nervous.

This time their attempt to get us in trouble back-fired!

Some of D.C.'s finest showed up at the Pinko's request. They asked to see our permits. Concretebob and tglsTakoma promptly retrieved the documents and presented them for inspection. All good!

The cops then went waaaaay down the block and asked to see the Pinko's permits. Not so good. I didn't hear the conversation, but I imagine it went something like this:

Pink Hat: Perry, do you have the permit?

Perry: I don't have it. Gael, do you have the permit?

Gael: That wasn't one of my 'action items'. Why didn't anyone get the permit? Wasn't that your job, Bruce?

Bruce: ...


Bruce: I couldn't help it! They have pizza and pretzles and I was sooooo hungry and ... and, I ...

Gael: You ate the permit!?

Having failed to produce the required document, the commies were ordered to disperse.

YES! Foiled again by those rotten stinking flag-waving neocon warmongers! The Pinkos show once again why commies are 'tards.

With no reason to stay off their turf, several people went down to rub it in talk with the losers.

More from Spiff:

Then I went after their signs claiming that they support the troops. One sign said that they love the troops. I detailed some of the things that were said at the Code Pink event on Tuesday night. I asked them how they can claim to support of love the troops while just a few days earlier their organization was claiming that U.S. troops were committing atrocities in Iraq, they were intentionally machine-gunning civilian vehicles carrying families, bombing hospitals, and beating or assassinating doctors and other health care workers. I told them that the only troops that they were supporting with their demonstration in front of Walter Reed were the remnants of Saddam's Fedayeen and the insurgent terrorists who are maiming and killing U.S. troops. I reminded them that their organization had given over $600k to elements in Fallujah and that the money most certainly made it into the hands of those who are maiming and killing the soldiers that they claim to support.

I talked to one moonbat from out-of-town who thought the Pinkos' "vigil" was a wonderful idea. She agreed that maybe holding it outside a military hospital wasn't the most appropriate site, but she didn't think any of the wounded soldiers could see them from inside. I set her straight on that notion!

Everyone in the hospital knows that Code Pink is outside showing the most galling disrespect for those inside. Even though the hateful wretches no longer perch on the gate corners, anyone who drives south on Georgia Ave. has to pass in view of the commies.

Code Pink needs to take its anti-American, anti-military, anti-FREEDOM propaganda freak-fest elsewhere!

As much as I enjoyed meeting CJ, I would rather it had not occured at a place that brought out his ire. The soldiers and Marines I've met are justifyably proud of their service and believe they were wounded while protecting the rights of these morons to protest. None of them think the Pinkos should be holding a protest at Walter Reed.

CJ: I went down to there and asked them if they supporters the troops. Someone yelled “yes” from the other side. I then told them I was a troop and I’m asking them to leave. There were a few chuckles, but no one left. I started asking them why they weren’t protesting the Jihad. Where were their signs? Why was it okay to kill Americans, but when we retaliate they come out in force against war? Then, I saw something that made my blood boil: an imitation American flag. The stripes were lined with red missiles or bombs, the stars were zeroes and ones, and there was a huge blue dollar sign superimposed into the canton of the flag.

...One quick note that I won’t go into because I got worked up about this too: I got into an argument with a guy I called Baldilocks because he said we don’t need a military at all. Yup, they support our troops all right.

One of these days the commies will decide to move on. It can't come soon enough for me! But until that day there will be people manning the corners at the gate to Walter Reed on Friday nights, waving flags, yelling "Thank you!" and "We love you!" to the heroes as they enter and leave.

Update: I figured out how to change the color of the image borders - Hooray! The red bordered pics courtesy of iMacMan.

Friday, March 10, 2006

"Monsters and the Weak"

Here's a terrific poem about the valour and commitment on display everyday in Iraq and Afghanistan by our warriors.

The sun beat like a hammer, not a cloud was in the sky.
The mid-day air ran thick with dust, my throat was parched and dry.
With microphone clutched tight in hand and cameraman in tow,
I ducked beneath a fallen roof, surprised to hear "stay low."

My eyes blinked several times before in shadow I could see,
the figure stretched across the rubble, steps away from me.
He wore a cloak of burlap strips, all shades of grey and brown,
that hung in tatters till he seemed to melt into the ground.

He never turned his head or took his eye from off the scope,
but pointed through the broken wall and down the rocky slope.
"About eight hundred yards," he said, his whispered words concise,
"beneath the baggy jacket he is wearing a device."

A chill ran up my spine despite the swelter of the heat,
"You think he's gonna set it off along the crowded street?"
The sniper gave a weary sigh and said "I wouldn't doubt it,"
"unless there's something this old gun and I can do about it."

A thunderclap, a tongue of flame, the still abruptly shattered;
while citizens that walked the street were just as quickly scattered.
Till only one remained, a body crumpled on the ground,
The threat to oh so many ended by a single round.

And yet the sniper had no cheer, no hint of any gloat,
instead he pulled a logbook out and quietly he wrote.
"Hey, I could put you on TV, that shot was quite a story!"
But he surprised me once again -- "I got no wish for glory."

"Are you for real?" I asked in awe, "You don't want fame or credit?"
He looked at me with saddened eyes and said "you just don't get it."
"You see that shot-up length of wall, the one without a door?
before a mortar hit, it used to be a grocery store."

"But don't go thinking that to bomb a store is all that cruel,
the rubble just across the street -- it used to be a school.
The little kids played soccer in the field out by the road,"
His head hung low, "They never thought a car would just explode."

"As bad as all this is though, it could be a whole lot worse,"
He swallowed hard, the words came from his mouth just like a curse.
"Today the fight's on foreign land, on streets that aren't my own,"
"I'm here today 'cause if I fail, the next fight's back at home."

"And I won't let my Safeway burn, my neighbors dead inside,
don't wanna get a call from school that says my daughter died;
I pray that not a one of them will know the things I see,
nor have the work of terrorists etched in their memory."

"So you can keep your trophies and your fleeting bit of fame,
I don't care if I make the news, or if they speak my name."
He glanced toward the camera and his brow began to knot,
"If you're looking for a story, why not give this one a shot."

"Just tell the truth of what you see, without the slant or spin;
that most of us are OK and we're coming home again.
And why not tell our folks back home about the good we've done,
how when they see Americans, the kids come at a run."

You tell 'em what it means to folks here just to speak their mind,
without the fear that tyranny is just a step behind;
Describe the desert miles they walk in their first chance to vote,
or ask a soldier if he's proud, I'm sure you'll get a quote."

He turned and slid the rifle in a drag bag thickly padded,
then looked again with eyes of steel as quietly he added;
"And maybe just remind the few, if ill of us they speak,
that we are all that stands between the monsters and the weak."

Michael Marks
January 25, 2006
H/T: Coop pointed to hoozyermama's.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

HTML Edjumacation

Sorry for the lack of posting here and for not visiting the terrific blogs in my sidebar. I'm not slacking! I'm just ssslllooooowwwwww.....

I've been giving myself a crash-course in HTML using this site and as test beds with mixed results. I'm sure most of the things that just don't work are due to my ignorance. One thing I know for sure - Dreamweaver kicks ass! It only took two whole evenings to produce this piece of crap! (Note: "PleaDeal" spelled backwards is "GunnNutt")

My multi-talented baby sister also turned me on to a great site for CSS (cascading style sheet) examples. Check out Zen Garden: The Beauty in CSS Design. Amazing stuff! (gawd, I'm such a geek).

I've registered the domain using BlueHost (Thanks Trevor!) and in about two or three years I expect to actually have it up and with some kind of content. Hooray!

Thanks for bearing with me and please check out the folks who are waaaay better than me in the sidebar, especially The Will to Exist.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Supporters in Germany Get Permits!!

Hooray! Moonbats will not get a free ride while spewing their anti-American, anti-Coalition garbage.

MaryAnn from Soldiers' Angels Germany reports that the necessary permits to oppose the Sheehag have been obtained and the schedule of events is set. Check out Support Our Troops in Ramstein March 11 for the latest news and links to other sites covering this important event.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Cold but Happy Night at Walter Reed

If it wasn't for the wind...

Another cold night out front of Walter Reed Army Medical Center. No need to wave our flags, the wind whipped them about with patriotic fervor.

We managed to keep ALL FOUR CORNERS covered with about 29 Freepers, friends and real heroes. It was so cold (go ahead, say it - "How cold was it?") that my camera wouldn't work for more than a few minutes after being exposed to the ambient temps. I'd zip it inside my coat to warm it up between shots, but I missed a lot of good ones. Crap!

Several wonderful things happened last week that made Friday's celebration extra special. The top three essays from Sgt. Snyder's "Why am I here?" contest were announced and posted on The Will to Exist. I've been looking forward to this for months!

I've snagged a paragraph from each to reprint here, but I encourage everyone to follow the links to read the essays in their entirety.

The 3rd place entry was penned by SFC John Holmes who served in 2005 at FOB Spiecher, Iraq.

Why I serve is for one reason. I have sworn to uphold a document, one that was unique in the world when it was created, and one for which my fellow soldiers serve and die for. The Constitution speaks words that say, All men are created equal. I serve for this, and nothing more. I will defend this document, and the ideals that are written in it, to the death, through what ever misery and pain and separation from loved ones may be required.

The second place entry is from Sgt. Walter J. Rausch, who is currently on his second tour of duty in Iraq.

I have watched on television how the American public questions why their mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters are fighting and dying in a country 9,000 miles away from their own soil. Take the word of a soldier, for that is all I am, that our cause is a noble one. The reason we are here is one worth fighting for. A cause that has been the most costly and sought after cause in our small span of existence on our little planet. Bought in blood and paid for by those brave enough to give the ultimate sacrifice to obtain it. A right that is given to every man, woman, and child, I believe, by God. I am talking of freedom.

And the winner is ...drumroll... Lt. K of Wordsmith at War. Not exactly a shocker, and the Lt. certainly showed why he's among the top of the literary milblog heap with his awe inspiring essay.

I’m in Iraq because this is the war of my generation, and somebody has to volunteer to travel across the planet and defend America against people who will fly airplanes into buildings on an otherwise average sunny morning in downtown New York City. Through that act alone, terrorists declared war on the United States of America, and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to take some action. I’d rather be a soldier, an active participant against such a cruel enemy, than a critic who enjoys the flavors of American life but isn’t willing to put on a uniform and say, “America. I am your humble servant. Send me where you will.” I don’t mean all citizens need to fight. Everyone is not supposed to be a soldier. But if you aren’t willing to do so, then your criticism lacks substance.

Take that Code Pinkos! You communist freaks don't deserve to breath the same air as these heroes.

What's more inspiring?
  1. Eight hippy 'tards singing '60s protest songs in front of a military hospital (that even the Sheehag says is wrong!) and blaming the President for all the ills of the world.
  1. A hospital full of veterans who answered the call of duty, put their very lives on the line, sacrificed and suffered for what they believe is right, and would go back to their units in a heartbeat if only they were medically able.
Code Pink's numbers are dwindling to the point that they've had to drag out a tiny, elderly woman in a wheelchair to fill out the ranks. Then they subject her to the most heinous torture of listening to tone-deaf Perry (guitar man) serenading her all evening!

These *cough* diehards didn't even make it to their 9pm curtain call. I guess "the cause" isn't worth it when it's cold. What dedication!

We, on the other hand, come prepared! tglsTakoma puts together a wonderful canteen of coffee and hot water thermoses as well as all the condiments to make tea and cocoa. Dr. Raoul brought fresh baked preztles. Tonight we had a special treat.

We were visited by a couple of wonderful ladies and a young boy who brought us cups and cups of cappuccino, coffee, cocoa and doughnuts; and they thanked us for being out there for the soldiers in WR, and we thanked them profusely for the warmth!
They were at WR to be with their husband/brother/uncle, Daniel from Ohio (4ID), who was seriously injured in 2003. He had plates put in his arm and he is going to have another surgery on Monday.

The Angel in the red jacket was incredibly nice. She asked us to sign the back of her T-shirt so she could give it to her brother after his surgery.

Thank you, Daniel! Not only for your service and sacrifice, but for having such thoughtful and generous family members.

Concretebob and IraqiKurd (who was in rare form!) in an early evening pose.

The other terrific event this week was the homecoming of two exceptional Marines: Capt B and TacoBell. The official story is here, but Taco has taken some precious reunion time to post his own pic!

If you look closely at the photos here, can you find Taco's parents? It's not exactly "Where's Waldo", but Navy Wife and Danang68 braved the weather to cheer the wounded warriors with us! Unlike the weenies waaaay down the block, these true supporters stayed 'till the buses (yeah, there are two now!) from Fran O'Brien's came shortly before 10pm. What a great family!

Today I talked to my adopted Marine, Lcpl Pete, USMC who is returning to his family soon. Being stationed at the base in Hawaii for the past few months is like heaven compared to Afghanistan, but it can't come close to being "home". I'm so proud of what he's accomplished and really want to hear the words "I'm here!" once he's reunited with his beautiful wife.

This sign was supplied courtesy of US FlagWaver and carried by Concretebob. The words seem all the more powerful when read on the corner outside the gate of WRAMC.

"Were it not for the brave... there would be no land of the Free"

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Must Read Essay at Will to Exist

Trevor has posted the 1st Runner Up essay in his "Why am I here?" contest. It's so good I can't describe it. Here's a snippet:
My fellow Americans, I have a task for those with the courage and fortitude to take it. I have a message that needs not fall on deaf ears. A vision the blind need to see. I am not a political man nor one with great wisdom. I am just a soldier who finds himself helping rebuild a country that he helped liberate a couple years ago.
Please go read what Sgt. Rausch wants all of us to know. There's an incredible amount of wisdom from someone who is "just a soldier."

Funny spillover

I'm in the mood for jokes. I turned the calendar on my wall to March today, and there was this pretty wolf with snow on its face. The first thing that came into my head was

Got snow?

OK, it's lame but I crack myself up sometimes. All by myself!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Really Funny Wednesday

Things dogs remind themselves to do/not do:
  1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
  2. I should not suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
  3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa, or under the bed.
  4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
  5. I will not eat the cats' food, either before they eat it or after they throw it up.
  6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to be sick.
  7. I will not throw up in the car.
  8. When at the beach, I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. no matter how good they smell.
  9. Kitty box crunches, although tasty, are not food.
  10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then re-deposit them after processing, in the back yard.
  11. The nappy bin is not a cookie jar.
  12. My humans' toothbrushes are for the exclusive use of my humans. If they want me to have one, they'll get me one.
  13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, so that when I throw up, my people will not assume I am hemorrhaging.
  14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down on rainy days.
  15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
  16. I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
  17. The sofa is not a face towel, neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
  18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
  20. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  21. To avoid having a string hang out of my butt, I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage.
  22. I will not consider rolling around in the dirt a necessity first thing after getting a bath.
  23. I will remember that sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way to greet visitors.
  24. I will not hump on any human leg, no matter how attractive.
  25. I will not fart in my owner's face while I am sleeping on the pillow next to their heads.
  26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
  27. I will not consider the toilet bowl a magical, never-ending water supply, in spite of clear evidence that it is.
  28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is here.
  29. I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room, and is thus to be avoided. Except when in-laws are here.
  30. The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and when he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
  31. Even though he's too chicken to come on Sundays, the mailman WILL be back and I'll have another shot at him.
H/T: TweetiePie

Things people put on vehicle bumpers:

Jesus loves you...
but everyone else thinks you are an ass.

Impotence...Nature's way of saying
"No hard feelings,"

The proctologist called
....they found your head.

Everyone has a photographic memory
....some just don't have any film.

Save your breath...
You'll need it to blow up your date.

I used to have a handle
on life...but it broke off.

WANTED: Meaningful
overnight relationship.

Guys...just because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one.

Some people just don't know how to drive...
I call these people "Everybody But Me,"

If God didn't want us to eat animals,
Why did He make them out of meat?

Don't like my driving?
Then quit watching me.

If you can read this...I can
slam on my brakes and sue you.

Some people are only alive
because it is illegal to shoot them.

Hang up and drive!!
And The Number One Bumper Sticker you'd Like To See!!
Welcome to America speak English
H/T: The Happy Carpenter via That Fallen Angel

The Happy Carpenter has more from the Texas Parks and Wildlife Commission on rules for hunting attorneys

Cha cha cha Cheney! Wednesday! Funny!

OK, so this is old news. Still, some of the jokes are funny enough to stand the test of time.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A white house source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice President Dick Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney. The source was quoted to say, "All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another, and Cheney actually had the balls to do it."

In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters wishing to bag a lawyer to have the new "lawyer stamp" on their hunting license. Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear at a cost of $7 annually. The new lawyer stamp will cost $100, but open season will be all year long.

The department further stated that although the lawyer stamp comes at a hefty price, sales have been brisk, and it is expected to generate revenues in excess of $3 billion the first year. Other states are considering similar hunting license stamps.

H/T: P*p and SCEagle